Yes, There IS a Reason for Your Mental Misery
By Emily Shelton
[email protected]
COVID-19 was not the only plague the U.S. experienced in 2020. An epidemic of startling societal changes left Americans, especially baby boomers, with lingering symptoms of culture shock – anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, anxiety, drug abuse, compulsivity, self-harming behavior, and more. And the result can be as life-threatening as any disease.
This societal revolution didn’t start in 2020; it has been happening slowly over the decades. But the unique environment of 2020 set the stage to propel the revolution forward faster than we could adjust to or accept. Even those who welcome the revolution find themselves living in a foreign environment where what was once right is now wrong.
At school, baby boomers learned the U.S. was peaceful and free, and developed pride in its national identity. Now, the idea of American Exceptionalism is derided by many, including some at the uppermost levels of government.
A strong work ethic energized the post-war economy. Rugged individualism was the hallmark of our culture. But “collectivity” is the new the word of the day, as every group is pitted against every other group based on ethnicity, gender, sexual preference, socio-economic status, religious beliefs, political ideologies, and any other differentiator imaginable. Baby boomers are wondering what happened to Martin Luther King’s inspiring dream of judging a person by his character.
The nuclear family was revered, and Judeo-Christian values were the basis of our laws. These values are now seen as outdated and ignorant. Not surprisingly, laws are being overturned or reinterpreted so completely we no longer recognize them.
Most neighborhoods were secured, protected by law enforcement and other first responders. Disputes and crimes were settled in the courts. The riots of 2020 left all sense of security and judicial protection shattered in pieces on the sidewalk.
We trusted three network nightly news programs to provide unbiased reporting. All people had the right to say what they believe. Now journalists on hundreds of news outlets slant the reporting to fit their politics, and many private citizens are losing their jobs simply because of their political stands.
The New Deadly Contagions: Anxiety, Fear and Anger
Simultaneous social upheaval combined with the stresses of living under COVID-19 restrictions, greatly multiplied our risk for physical or emotional illness. Used since 1967, Holmes-Rahe Stress inventory demonstrates the relationship between health and life changes experienced during a year. The instrument identifies stressors and places a point score, the most stressful events earning a higher score. When the total stress level gets too high over a year’s time, an illness is likely to occur. Those with a score of 300 or above suggests an 80% probability of experiencing a negative health change.
Below is a selection of stressors Holmes and Rahe identified. These were common experiences for families in 2020, making scores of 300 and more easily achieved.
Select Stressors from Holmes Rahe Stress Check List Points
Being fired from work 47
Major business readjustment (merger, reorganization, etc.) 35
Changing to a different type of work 36
Major change in the number of arguments with spouse (a lot more or less) 35
Partner beginning or ceasing work outside the home 26
Beginning or ceasing formal schooling 25
Revision of personal habits (dress, manners, association etc.) 25
Major change in usual type and/or amount of recreation 19
Major change in church or spiritual activities 19
Major change in social activities (clubs, dancing, movies, visiting, etc.) 18
Major change in number of family get-togethers (a lot more or a lot less) 15
TOTAL 300
What Is Your Body Up To?
Short of finding an off-the-grid home out of the reach of civilization, escaping these stressors is nearly impossible…especially if your brain has less blood flowing into it than usual and the “fight or flight” hormones are rushing through your body.
That’s exactly what happens in stressful situations. Your sympathetic nervous system hard-wires your body to respond. Automatically, the mouth gets dry, the eyes widen, the blood retracts from the surface of the skin, and muscles tighten…you feel it in your gut. Abrupt drops in blood pressure and a sudden reduction in heart rate occurs. These defensive reactions are vital to help you make decisions when facing imminent danger. But a solid year of hardships have caused sustained changes in our body.
“In most things, stress does not come from events outside us,” explains Gary Sweeten, Ed.D, founder of the board of Lifeway Counseling Centers and president of Sweeten Life Systems. “Fortunately, the most powerful source of stress or relaxation; anxiety or peace; depression or joy comes from one place; a powerful system in my own body, the parasympathetic nervous system.”
Within the system, the vagus nerve is the sprawling communication system that reaches down from our brain and touches almost every major organ. It serves as a calming counterpart to the sympathetic nerves. It allows you to slow down and think things through before acting. Tapping into the power of the vagus nerve is an important first step to exerting control.
Treating a psychological hangover, or how to cope with the new normal
Coping with the recent societal changes is not the same as acquiescing. Each person must decide how much to embrace and where to resist perceived negative societal changes. Some fights are, after all, worth having.
But unhealthy, emotional responses only make the losses and the pains worse. “Happiness isn’t something that depends on our surroundings…it’s something we make inside ourselves,” said Corrie ten Boom, the Dutch woman who was arrested and sent to a concentration camp for the crime of helping many Jews escape from the Nazis during World War II.
Learning to live in joy
1. Let someone know you need help. Talk with your health care provider, your minister or others who are trained to care for you. Often, talk therapy and prayers are enough, but for chemical addictions, suicidal ideations and other problems, get the medical help you need.
2. Spend some time recognizing your grief at loss. Trying to ignore grief is counter-productive. But, put a time limit on it. Don’t let yourself wallow in grief interminably. (See Practice forgiveness below.)
3. Activate the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is our “on-board” mood enhancer, so wake it up. Exercise triggers it, but doing too much cardiovascular exercise reduces its vigor. Work out at a level of exertion that makes you feel good after you discuss your plans with your healthcare provider.
A daily discipline of deep breathing techniques and meditation also stimulates the vagus nerve. “Deep breathing can give you more energy, reduce blood pressure, and calm our thoughts,” says Dr. Sweeten.
4. Pick something you CAN do and make plans to do it. Be strategic. No amount of worrying will change anything. If you can take positive action, take it. Otherwise, focus on a part of the problem where you can have influence. Artist Alice Hendon says, “Control only what you can. Everything else: let go.” Solving the world’s (or your family’s) problems does not rest solely on your shoulders. Stay in your lane – that’s where you’ll find success and satisfaction.
5. Practice forgiveness. Bad things happen. Reliving the event over and over and nursing the hurt is the opposite of positive, gratitude-focused meditation. Inevitably, memories will keep surfacing. Expect them, learn to recognize them quickly, and have a plan for when they rear their ugly heads. Others use the Serenity Prayer the moment a niggling thought comes into their head. Practice, it will get easier, but it takes intentionality and determination to forgive others, or even God, for perceived wrongs.
6. Communication. The most extreme example of people in history coping with culture shock are POW’s. In “The Prisoner of War,” Robert J. Ursano, MD and James R. Rundell, MD wrote “Probably the single most important adaptive behavior in all POW situations is communication.[1]
Seek out healthy and meaningful relationships – face to face if at all possible. If you have friends who bombard you with Facebook messages that continue to stir up feelings of anxiety and anger, it’s time to “unfriend” them, at least for a little while.
[1]Ursano, Robert & Rundell, JR & Fragala, MR & Larson, SG & Jaccard, JT & Wain, HJ & Brandt, GT & Beuch, B. (1996). The prisoner of war.
This societal revolution didn’t start in 2020; it has been happening slowly over the decades. But the unique environment of 2020 set the stage to propel the revolution forward faster than we could adjust to or accept. Even those who welcome the revolution find themselves living in a foreign environment where what was once right is now wrong.
At school, baby boomers learned the U.S. was peaceful and free, and developed pride in its national identity. Now, the idea of American Exceptionalism is derided by many, including some at the uppermost levels of government.
A strong work ethic energized the post-war economy. Rugged individualism was the hallmark of our culture. But “collectivity” is the new the word of the day, as every group is pitted against every other group based on ethnicity, gender, sexual preference, socio-economic status, religious beliefs, political ideologies, and any other differentiator imaginable. Baby boomers are wondering what happened to Martin Luther King’s inspiring dream of judging a person by his character.
The nuclear family was revered, and Judeo-Christian values were the basis of our laws. These values are now seen as outdated and ignorant. Not surprisingly, laws are being overturned or reinterpreted so completely we no longer recognize them.
Most neighborhoods were secured, protected by law enforcement and other first responders. Disputes and crimes were settled in the courts. The riots of 2020 left all sense of security and judicial protection shattered in pieces on the sidewalk.
We trusted three network nightly news programs to provide unbiased reporting. All people had the right to say what they believe. Now journalists on hundreds of news outlets slant the reporting to fit their politics, and many private citizens are losing their jobs simply because of their political stands.
The New Deadly Contagions: Anxiety, Fear and Anger
Simultaneous social upheaval combined with the stresses of living under COVID-19 restrictions, greatly multiplied our risk for physical or emotional illness. Used since 1967, Holmes-Rahe Stress inventory demonstrates the relationship between health and life changes experienced during a year. The instrument identifies stressors and places a point score, the most stressful events earning a higher score. When the total stress level gets too high over a year’s time, an illness is likely to occur. Those with a score of 300 or above suggests an 80% probability of experiencing a negative health change.
Below is a selection of stressors Holmes and Rahe identified. These were common experiences for families in 2020, making scores of 300 and more easily achieved.
Select Stressors from Holmes Rahe Stress Check List Points
Being fired from work 47
Major business readjustment (merger, reorganization, etc.) 35
Changing to a different type of work 36
Major change in the number of arguments with spouse (a lot more or less) 35
Partner beginning or ceasing work outside the home 26
Beginning or ceasing formal schooling 25
Revision of personal habits (dress, manners, association etc.) 25
Major change in usual type and/or amount of recreation 19
Major change in church or spiritual activities 19
Major change in social activities (clubs, dancing, movies, visiting, etc.) 18
Major change in number of family get-togethers (a lot more or a lot less) 15
TOTAL 300
What Is Your Body Up To?
Short of finding an off-the-grid home out of the reach of civilization, escaping these stressors is nearly impossible…especially if your brain has less blood flowing into it than usual and the “fight or flight” hormones are rushing through your body.
That’s exactly what happens in stressful situations. Your sympathetic nervous system hard-wires your body to respond. Automatically, the mouth gets dry, the eyes widen, the blood retracts from the surface of the skin, and muscles tighten…you feel it in your gut. Abrupt drops in blood pressure and a sudden reduction in heart rate occurs. These defensive reactions are vital to help you make decisions when facing imminent danger. But a solid year of hardships have caused sustained changes in our body.
“In most things, stress does not come from events outside us,” explains Gary Sweeten, Ed.D, founder of the board of Lifeway Counseling Centers and president of Sweeten Life Systems. “Fortunately, the most powerful source of stress or relaxation; anxiety or peace; depression or joy comes from one place; a powerful system in my own body, the parasympathetic nervous system.”
Within the system, the vagus nerve is the sprawling communication system that reaches down from our brain and touches almost every major organ. It serves as a calming counterpart to the sympathetic nerves. It allows you to slow down and think things through before acting. Tapping into the power of the vagus nerve is an important first step to exerting control.
Treating a psychological hangover, or how to cope with the new normal
Coping with the recent societal changes is not the same as acquiescing. Each person must decide how much to embrace and where to resist perceived negative societal changes. Some fights are, after all, worth having.
But unhealthy, emotional responses only make the losses and the pains worse. “Happiness isn’t something that depends on our surroundings…it’s something we make inside ourselves,” said Corrie ten Boom, the Dutch woman who was arrested and sent to a concentration camp for the crime of helping many Jews escape from the Nazis during World War II.
Learning to live in joy
1. Let someone know you need help. Talk with your health care provider, your minister or others who are trained to care for you. Often, talk therapy and prayers are enough, but for chemical addictions, suicidal ideations and other problems, get the medical help you need.
2. Spend some time recognizing your grief at loss. Trying to ignore grief is counter-productive. But, put a time limit on it. Don’t let yourself wallow in grief interminably. (See Practice forgiveness below.)
3. Activate the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is our “on-board” mood enhancer, so wake it up. Exercise triggers it, but doing too much cardiovascular exercise reduces its vigor. Work out at a level of exertion that makes you feel good after you discuss your plans with your healthcare provider.
A daily discipline of deep breathing techniques and meditation also stimulates the vagus nerve. “Deep breathing can give you more energy, reduce blood pressure, and calm our thoughts,” says Dr. Sweeten.
- Take a deep breath and hold the breath for five seconds.
- Breathe out very slowly so the vagus nerve has time to relax.
- Repeat for several minutes.
- Repeat the process.
- Ignore all intrusive thoughts.
4. Pick something you CAN do and make plans to do it. Be strategic. No amount of worrying will change anything. If you can take positive action, take it. Otherwise, focus on a part of the problem where you can have influence. Artist Alice Hendon says, “Control only what you can. Everything else: let go.” Solving the world’s (or your family’s) problems does not rest solely on your shoulders. Stay in your lane – that’s where you’ll find success and satisfaction.
5. Practice forgiveness. Bad things happen. Reliving the event over and over and nursing the hurt is the opposite of positive, gratitude-focused meditation. Inevitably, memories will keep surfacing. Expect them, learn to recognize them quickly, and have a plan for when they rear their ugly heads. Others use the Serenity Prayer the moment a niggling thought comes into their head. Practice, it will get easier, but it takes intentionality and determination to forgive others, or even God, for perceived wrongs.
6. Communication. The most extreme example of people in history coping with culture shock are POW’s. In “The Prisoner of War,” Robert J. Ursano, MD and James R. Rundell, MD wrote “Probably the single most important adaptive behavior in all POW situations is communication.[1]
Seek out healthy and meaningful relationships – face to face if at all possible. If you have friends who bombard you with Facebook messages that continue to stir up feelings of anxiety and anger, it’s time to “unfriend” them, at least for a little while.
[1]Ursano, Robert & Rundell, JR & Fragala, MR & Larson, SG & Jaccard, JT & Wain, HJ & Brandt, GT & Beuch, B. (1996). The prisoner of war.